Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Are you happy where you’re sleeping?
I love my bed; there’s a great view, a fireplace, a beside table on each side, with cool books and sketch pads. The only problem is others don’t seem to know my bed exists. To wit: I’ve done a horrible job of marketing my bed. Sure, when a woman sees me on the street, she realizes on a super-subconscious level that I have a bed. But I kind of want some of the women I see on the street to actually come over and check my bed out, give it a test drive so to speak.
Now I have an open mind. I’m sure there are other great beds in the city and I would be willing to test drive other beds. My bed won’t be jealous, I’m certain. So maybe I am looking for a mean game of bed-swapping?
What I look like in my bed: I sleep on my stomach, except if there is a woman with me, in which case I can pull off a mean spoon. I am six-feet long, because I think I gain at least a half-inch since that pesky gravity isn’t acting on me in a vertical fashion. I have on boxers and a t-shirt if it’s cold. I have blue eyes, which you can’t see because my eyes are closed. I have a good body (translation: I am not embarrassed to take my shirt off at the beach, and sometimes when I do, someone will say, ‘nice body’).
What you look like in bed: you can sleep any way you want, as long as you don’t push your butt way out into my side of the bed, thus hogging the bed. If you do that, I’ll have to slap you on the ass to make you move over, unless we’re fooling around, then I might slap you on the ass any way, but only if I’ve cleared it with you first. You are wearing underwear and a t-shirt. You are in good shape and maybe you even workout on a regular basis or practice yoga, but not in the bed, unless we’re fooling around…
Please don’t ask to come see my bed if: you are mean; you are materialistic; you don’t like to spend long, but productive, hours in said bed; you eat in bed; you didn’t have a bed at college; you smoke in bed, or any where else; your bed isn’t in the city; you don’t consider yourself intelligent and wise.
Now I have an open mind. I’m sure there are other great beds in the city and I would be willing to test drive other beds. My bed won’t be jealous, I’m certain. So maybe I am looking for a mean game of bed-swapping?
What I look like in my bed: I sleep on my stomach, except if there is a woman with me, in which case I can pull off a mean spoon. I am six-feet long, because I think I gain at least a half-inch since that pesky gravity isn’t acting on me in a vertical fashion. I have on boxers and a t-shirt if it’s cold. I have blue eyes, which you can’t see because my eyes are closed. I have a good body (translation: I am not embarrassed to take my shirt off at the beach, and sometimes when I do, someone will say, ‘nice body’).
What you look like in bed: you can sleep any way you want, as long as you don’t push your butt way out into my side of the bed, thus hogging the bed. If you do that, I’ll have to slap you on the ass to make you move over, unless we’re fooling around, then I might slap you on the ass any way, but only if I’ve cleared it with you first. You are wearing underwear and a t-shirt. You are in good shape and maybe you even workout on a regular basis or practice yoga, but not in the bed, unless we’re fooling around…
Please don’t ask to come see my bed if: you are mean; you are materialistic; you don’t like to spend long, but productive, hours in said bed; you eat in bed; you didn’t have a bed at college; you smoke in bed, or any where else; your bed isn’t in the city; you don’t consider yourself intelligent and wise.
